The Films

Here at the Church of Pastafarian Sparrowism we base our beliefs on the Holy Film that is Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl. Unfortunately, this frequently causes confusion amongst the unbelievers. However, fear not! All will be explained.

One of the most common objections to our beliefs is that Pirates of the Caribbean was created by people for the purpose of entertaining, not by FSM for the purpose of enlightening the world. This is an understandable mistake. While it is true that the Holy Film was directed and produced by mere mortals, it was FSM who influenced the minds of these people so that the plot would closely resemble factual events from the eighteenth century. Therefore, it is not our belief that the images portrayed in the Film are taken from the real events, but rather a commendable effort by FSM to portray these events in a modern and entertaining format.

While most of what is portrayed is true, a good example of when the Film should not be taken literally is the curse of the Black Pearl itself. Of course, FSM is perfectly capable of creating gold pieces that turn people into immortal skeletons, but there is no evidence that such gold ever existed. It is much more likely that the curse is in fact a metaphor for the undead scourge that is Intelligent Design. It's not a very good metaphor, but FSM probably had better things to do than focus all his attention on ideological parody. The eventual lifting of the curse by Captain Jack Sparrow is clearly a prophecy for the downfall of Intelligent Design: a call to all Pastafarians to forsake their old allegiances and assist in its defeat.

In spite of such use of artistic licence on the part of FSM, the Holy Film is most significantly a reflection on the character of Captain Jack Sparrow. His devotion to piracy, his sense of humour, and most important of all his tendency not to take life too seriously, are intended as an example for us all. Of course, you don't have to follow his example. However, you'd have to be pretty stupid not to. It should be emphasised here that we do not worship Johnny Depp. He is not Captain Jack Sparrow. However, his divinely inspired performance was awesome and were he to devote himself to the Sparrowist cause we could see about making him a saint or something.

In the second and third films in the series, factual events and moralising messages appear to have been further sacrificed in favour of special effects and grandiose fight scenes. The notable decline in quality smacks of distinctly unnoodly desires to cash in on a popular brand, a testament to the minimal involvement of FSM. Clearly, He had made his point in the Holy Film and had no need of the sequels. While there is no doubt that most of what is depicted therein is purely the invention of Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio (also incorrectly credited with the authorship of the first film), FSM obviously could not keep his noodles out of it for long, making a cameo appearance as Davy Jones. The theme of unity amongst pirates in the third film, At World's End, is also plausibly His doing. However, this may only be a coincidence.